Monday, June 13, 2011

Monday's thoughts

The Doctor Who yarn arrived!
It's pretty awesome…I'm not really a neutral color palette person--my favorites are black and bright cool colors like violet.  But these really appeal to me!   The hardest part is going to be resisting the urge to cast on before the move, especially since I have two large projects waiting to be finished in the next 86 days.  I'm going back to work on the socks tonight:  my self-imposed deadline for finishing them is one week from today, before my parents arrive for a visit.  I can do this if I just sit down and KNIT!

My son's summer school plans arrived, and he's still OK with the idea of going.  He's going to be in the special ed program for summer school, which has smaller classes and teachers whose specialty is special ed.  It's going to be an extra help for him.  He won't go back to his grade school in the fall since we're going to move in the middle of September.  He'll have to join class late when we get to Cali.  I didn't want it to happen like this but I don't really have a lot of control over our exact move date.  It's first grade so it's not as though he'll miss a lot of subject matter, but he'll be behind on making friends and finding his niche.

I talked about the feelings of guilt with a friend…I know it's not my fault he's got ASD.  I know there's nothing I could have done to prevent it.  I know I can "could have, should have, would have" until the cows come home and there's no guarantee that it would have made things any different.  But I still feel guilty.  Also, I feel guilty for wishing that, though I love my son more than my own life, that I had the "normal" kid.   A friend whose mom specializes in special ed students told me that it's OK to feel like that at times and to not beat myself up over it.  And I don't…for the most part.  Sometimes it overwhelms me though.  It's contributed a lot towards my own depression which I'm trying to dig out of.  

And then I see those big blue eyes and bright smile, and I receive all that sweet kid affection from him, and I think to myself, "the kid's perfect just as he is."  Like tulips in Holland.

The doctor suggested another medication for my son's hyperactivity, so we're going to do another trial run in the quest to rule out ADHD.  She was going on to say that if this one didn't work either then maybe we should consider mood stabilizers.  I think she's really jumping the gun.  I think that if this new medication (Ritalin LA) doesn't work, then I'm taking him off of it and waiting until we get to San Diego before resuming anything.  Granted, off the medications he is hyper, but it's nothing that I haven't been used to experiencing for the last several years.  And the stimulant medications--or any medications for that matter--aren't going to replace the need for him to learn good coping skills.

I did return most of the ASD books except for 1…er, 3.  I thought that having 3 around would be OK but it's not really driving me to read it because I don't know which one to read first!  So I'm grabbing one at random and returning the other two to the library.  I'm also getting a notebook so I can start taking notes on what I read.

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