Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Upward and onward

I took a promotion at work...I'm now the unit manager.  I'm still on the floor providing direct care but now I'm also in charge of overseeing the unit as well.  The decision to accept came when I realized that for the past few months, I have pretty much been doing the job already.  The reason I had been taking the job on unofficially was that I'm OCD and was having a hard time leaving things undone :)

So yeah, here I am halfway in management.  They know it's only going to be temporary; I had to tell them about the move.  It'll look good on the resume though and there is some extra money.

I decided to stop my son's medication.  We originally started it to rule out ADHD that might be in with the ASD.  For a while, it was working splendidly and both the teachers and I noticed an improvement.  Then he started deteriorating:  biting himself, temper tantrums, increasing anger...after yesterday, when his school called me to report the most out-of-control meltdown yet, we talked about what we had both been seeing.  Since these symptoms increased since the medication started, I stopped the medications and left a message for the doctor.  His increase in symptoms may or may not be due to the medications...he's also not happy about having to go to summer school or having to move to a new place.  But I do want to see if things will improve once he's off the stimulants.

This ASD frustrates me.  At least once a day I feel like a bad parent when I know I'm not.  When I first got his diagnosis, I went to my local library and took out every single book I could abut ASD and autism.  But I've yet to read any of them...having all these books on the floor isn't going to do me one lick of good if I don't read them, but at the same time I'm kind of afraid of what I will find in them.  Is his prognosis going to be good or bad?  What will his life be like?  Will he be able to survive on his own after we're gone?  And so on.  These are all things that I should learn about...but part of me is scared to and would rather live in the ignorance.  After all, isn't ignorance bliss?

OK, as a nurse I know better.  So what I will do is keep one book home, return the rest, read that one book, then go back to the library and check out another ASD/autism at a time.  One at a time.    One day at a time.

My "fast to knit up" DK winter socks aren't moving that fast...because I haven't been knitting them.  It's been hard to find the energy to sit and work on them.  After a full day of work at the hospital and then spending time with my son, I'm just too exhausted.  After he goes to bed, it's not too long before I fall out behind him.  This sucks because I really want to get the WIPs done before we move out and I know that these socks can be done quickly if I actually work on them.  I'm off work today and so I'm making a conscious effort to at least get up to the heel turn, if not further.  I do have three movies from the library that I can watch as I work, or maybe I'll go visit my knitting buddy today and knit with her.

I'm still waiting for the Doctor Who yarn to arrive.  I did just order it on Sunday and I don't want to start them until we get to San Diego because this would be a big WIP to transport...still, the anticipation!

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